The Five Love Languages
Preface: I’ll keep the spiritual tones from being overt, here, but when I speak of love it is of course the spiritual definition – truly willing the good for the other.
I am about the dumbest ever when it comes to seeing themes or real-life relevance in movies, but maybe this one was just obvious. I went on a mandate last night to the movie Silver Lining Playbook with my cousin, Wm. Though I am not usually drawn to Oscar-nominated films, I thought this movie was very well done. In fact, it may have been the best chick flick I have ever seen…
You may have heard me rant about chick flicks before. I think that they can be as dangerous to women as porn is to men – one can lose the reality of emotional/sexual interaction if not careful to avoid it. In your traditional chick flick, all of the lines are scripted, the actors overcome any awkwardness with a silver tongue, and there are never messy situations that require either party to apologize as real people do – as bumbling humans who don’t always have the courage or humility to do the right thing on the first try. Even where people do mess up in chick flicks, the mistakes are quickly taped over with the right words or sudden intentions. The romantic situations are either contrived or fall together, and neither party has any reason or interest in taking huge risks to ego and even happiness to ask the other person out or go out of their way to make the person feel special. Even in the indie romance movies that are getting a hang of the “awkward is cool” reality that is dating, the lines work, the awkwardness is scripted, and the risks simply aren’t there. People are presented as nerds in these movies, but not broken or tarnished to the point that interaction itself can become difficult. In reality, life is different. Not only do you not have all the right lines, the risks you can and should take are unclear, you may not always emotionally be the same person, and apologizing may be more difficult than a sweeping gesture with beautiful roses just in time as the guy/gal is ready to board a plane and leave forever. In real life, relationships need to give us a kind of challenge to metanoia to be healthy and worth pursuing. Failures are not always met with one or both parties being completely honest about the situation and biting the bullet with an apology or forgiveness without apology. These movies make emotional comfort and sexual release about the self a large majority of the time, and that is why they seem so unreal. Real love is built on sacrifice, not infatuation or giddy feelings. Real relationships in real life are just messy (and that is part of what makes them fun), and the risks we have to take with our pride and heart can be utterly destructive to feelings of self-worth. Dating isn’t always easy for those of us who are not on stage.
No one can point to any one reason why divorce is increasing. My theory blames, in part, the Hollywood Standards we have been given. All of the above complaints about movies seem to be deeply rooted in the real social mindset of my generation when it comes to dating. Risks are to be avoided, and messy is a definite no. Protect yourself and find someone who makes you feel comfortable and doesn’t challenge any of your core beliefs or motivations. But the truth is, we are all messy, and finding someone worth it will always involve risking serious emotional pain and a shattering of our ego. It may not be as messy, perhaps, as the people in this movie, but interacting with another person from the day we meet them will be uncomfortable at times, as chick flicks often make us forget. Silver Linings Playbook wasn’t like that. The interactions between the two main characters are painful, and the lines don’t always fit well. This is why it works – it is more real than any romantic movie has been in years. This is not Twilight or 50 Shades…
Wm and I both left feeling the highs that usually come with great movies. But this one wasn’t emotional, as is usually typified by chick flicks – it was intellectual. We both had questions about the morality of certain situations in the movie, the role of love and sacrifice in our own lives, and how the minds and intentions of others can be mazes which an outsider will never understand (but can try). It wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but I would recommend this movie to those who like the traditional chick flick. More than that, though, don’t be afraid to ask someone on a date, be in a relationship that is a little messy, and work toward something that will push you to grow – not be comfortable.
